“It’s probably time for me to retire, Michael. The work just doesn’t satisfy me any more. Used to. But the world seems to be getting away from me. I’m old, washed up.”

“Come on, Bub, what are you talking? The world seems to be feeding right into your best skills. What about the Internet? Aren’t you just eating up all those dating sites, porn sites, marketing scams and stuff?”

“Yeah, there’s more opportunity than ever, but I just can’t get a handle on the technology. Used to be I’d just whisper evil thoughts into a person’s ear, but that doesn’t work any more.”

“Why not?”

“They can’t hear me with those ear-thingies in, with their phone playing music, and ten billion streaming TV channels.”

“Well, you’ve got to move with the times, learn to speak through the technology. That’s what we’re doing. We’ve been using the Internet and texting to spread love. We’ve even got our own halo and praying hands emoticons!”

“Emoti-whats? See, I just don’t get it. We’ve lost the personal touch. I used to like to get to know my victim personally. I’d worm my way in slowly, intimately. I went in deep, not this superficial tweeting and posting and swiping.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Bub. If you retire, you’ll be stuck down in the nether world. I hear it’s really boring down there. I advise you to upgrade your skills. Maybe you could sit in on one of our workshops. Gabriel is teaching “Advanced Twitter Techniques” on Thursday. Wanna come?”

“Nah, I think it’s hopeless. You can’t teach an old devil new tricks.”

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