Do you know the meaning of “crazed” that applies to porcelain? It means the plate, cup, or sink has a network of small cracks in the glaze. And a “crazy paving” is a walkway made up of broken pieces of stone, concrete, or bricks that are laid in a random way. Have you ever heard of an odd person being called “crack-brained” or “cracked”?
I have been feeling this way lately, and one of the causes is a reflection question I was asked to write on: Where in your life are you single-hearted, and where in your life is your heart divided? Take a second to think about this question for your life, dear reader……got it?
I confess that I have no aspect of life in which I am single-hearted. Everything I think and do is mixed with judgment, fear, and selfishness. For example, I love my two children, but in the back of my mind a niggling voice is always asking, “Do you think you did a good job of raising them?” I love to write, but my inner editor is always telling me to go back and correct all the errors I made. I love the wild birds that fly in my neighborhood, but an underlying fear for their safety darkens my enjoyment of them. Even my love of God is tainted by my frustration with organized religion and my continuing doubts.
Some would call this the “human condition”—living inside a physical body in the corrupt world, but yearning for the freedom to love wholly and fearlessly, soaring to spiritual heights. Maybe so. It definitely shocked me to realize that I am crazed like an old tea cup, cracked all over.